It's been a while since I wrote on here...I think I half-heartedly started this blog, craving an outlet for life in general, but not quite sure, of myself really.
2014 was a horrible year. This would come as a surprise to a majority of my friends who view my life through 'smiley selfies' and a social media facade. By the end of last year I was depressed and lonely. My close friends and family knew this, and were so supportive. But at the end of the day it was a rut I needed to get myself out of. I was working in a job that was dictating how I felt about myself, and it was very, very negative. Constantly being made to feel like a failure was rubbing off and my self-confidence dipped to an all time low.
My job has always been a huge passion of mine (hence the name of this blog!) I love working in Events, but I knew the company I was working for wasn't right for me. Thankfully, although it didn't necessarily feel like it at the time, we mutually decided to part ways. It was hard for me, as my job was 'me', and to go from having a full on, never 9-5 job, to having...nothing, was hard. I felt like i'd lost a part of myself, but realised it was the side of me I didn't like anymore.
I didn't have an epiphany over night, it took quite a while. Christmas was tough, being surrounded by the pressure to feel festive and happy, just left me feeling a bit lost. Then, like fog lifting, everything became a bit clearer. After applying for what felt like thousands of jobs, I got a couple of interviews. One being for a job I never dreamt i'd have. But low and behold, my love of what I do must have shone through as they offered me the role pretty much within 24 hours.
I packed my bags and left Newcastle, a city I never quite felt at home in and moved down to London. And so far 2015 has been more than a dream.
I love my job.
I have friends again.
I'm genuinely smiling.
In a bid to make myself happy last year, I made a lot of life mistakes. Settling for a guy who I wasn't enough for, because it felt better than having nobody. Settling in a job, who I wasn't enough for, because it was better than doing nothing. And letting myself feel like I wasn't enough.
That's why, in 2015 my mantra is 'I am enough'. I'm not going to start burning my bra and swearing off all men, but i've realised that I need to be happy in my own skin. And this year I genuinely feel that i'm finally getting there. I'm perfectly happy to sit in my flat with a cup of tea and a good Netflix series, and i'm loving catching up with old friends and having the confidence to smile and actually feel happy inside, which definitely shines through.
Meghan Markle perfectly summarises the 'You need to know, you are enough' philosophy in this blog post
http://thetig.com/birthday-suit/ which I highly recommend reading.
2015 > 2014, and i'm determined to keep it that way.
H xx